My hands are itching to write, to read, re-read, type it all out, edit and then publish it on my blog. I know I’m not supposed to do that. I have closed it down, forever.
Sigh!
Will I? Won’t I? Will I? Won’t I? Oh my my! Talk about tough decisions. I read Rheality’s post today. She has also started and closed 6 blogs before she began with The Indecisive Cinegoer. Point being that even though I’ve closed it down, I’m DYING TO GO BACK TO IT!
Therein lays the problem. I’m programmed to not go back on my word. I quit the magazine I was working for and it was a very impulsive decision. Even though I kept contemplating (and for a good long time too!) if I should go back to it or not and even though I really wanted to, I couldn’t. I do not go back on my word, and that, my dear, is my tragic flaw, my hamartia. I don’t know why I’m even writing this and writing it as if I was addressing someone. No one’s going to read it!
An author writes for an audience, always. Even if you write for yourself you become your own audience and if you write because you don’t have anyone to talk and never even read what you write, well then, aren’t you writing for an imaginary audience? Of late, I had been wondering who I was writing for and why.
What everyone missed out on (and naturally so, because I never mentioned anything about it) was that the friend-incident was the trigger... I had been pretty irregular with my blog for quite some time now and that's because I couldn't see the point of blogging anymore. I couldn't understand why it was important to show my work to n number of random people and trust and/or value their judgement of it. That debate had been on for quite some time. I had also thought about disabling the comments permanently, but then, if I do display my work, I would want to know people's opinion of it. Since that didn't hold any importance for me, then why display it at all!
I realised that I had been blogging for the sake of it, not because I genuinely wanted to. But it was only after I stopped, when I knew in my heart of hearts that I’ve just ended it for good, I realised the enormity of the situation. I realised how terribly I’ll miss all that excitement of putting up a new post and waiting for the first comment, of discovering a new blog and learn about what’s happening in their part of the world.
I’m aware that what I’m writing now won’t make sense to most (See! I’m still writing as if I’m going to post this on Kreation! Hmph!). Gist of the matter is- I’m pretty easily incensed and end up taking impulsive decisions which I might or might not regret. In case I do, I don’t show it and just pretend that it doesn’t make much of a difference when actually it does!
***********
After an entire day spent thinking what to do and what not to... a Rheality check helped! I know no one’s going to kill me if I start blogging again. But I was still apprehensive about getting back to it. It doesn’t seem right when you bid farewell only to return again. But WTF! It was my decision to stop blogging and it is my decision to resume it. To hell with anyone who thinks I’m a hypocrite. I might be, no doubt, but a happy one at that!
So peoplessssss... more moronic posts on your way!
________________________________________________________________________
P.S.: For the first time in history (okay! Lie! It’s actually the second time. Note: Don’t ask about the first!) Kritically yours (yours truly, me! (only for the obtuse... please ignore if you got it the first time))and Rheality check are COMING TOGETHER!!! Oh well, perhaps you don’t grasp the enormity of this colossal event. You will once you see what’s in store for you. Just wait and watch!
P.P.S.: This post was published unedited and if it doesn't make sense to you, well, bleh!
Currently playing: Pussycat Dolls- Jai Ho (It sucks!)
16 comments:
Well, my bad that I read your farewell and comeback post together. Talk about being here after a long time. :D
Well, since our comments don't mean anything to you anyway lemme clear my throat and say "You disappoint me Obi-Van. You are so naive" Aherm, that felt good.
Now, I started blogging for the reason you stopped. I wanted to channelize my thoughts somewhere and I wrote plenty crappy teary poems mind you. But the group of intellectual crowd I found over here beats many a "real" friends I have hands down. So I have no plans of leaving it.
Also, if you loved working for the magazine. Start one of your own and do a better job than they do. Remember the crysler story, Pixar Story? There aren't enough examples. You have many options young one... quiting aint one of 'em. Not for this reason.
Find your passion. Love something and not someone - Key to a content life. (Aniket's mantra of being considerably happy while being single after losing out on potential THE ONE)
@ Aniket
I was wondering if you were even alive.
Ah well! You missed the point. The comments mean a lot, definitely. What I had trouble dealing with was the 'motive', my motive... to write. I had none' really, couldn't think of any. Since you brought up Obi-Wan, well, he also said something equally interesting- "Who's the more foolish: The fool, or the fool who follows him?" So, you see, I was just saving you from being the bigger fool.
;-)
I've written my share of crap, still do that. But somehow, people (you included)tend to overlook the 'crap' and are too generous with their comments. Something I'm gratefuly for, but stil, in order to grow as a writer I'd prefer honest comments and there aren't meny people who say what they actually think about a particular post.
That's the sad thing about blogging. People think that if they stop saying good things about fellow bloggers they'd lose readership or even worse- they take blogging to another level, making friends, sharing everything with virtual people who they have no hopes of meeting, ever.
Personally, I think 'tis sad how we neglect those around us for those who probably don't even exist. There's nothing wrong in meeting people online, learn from them (like your 'intellectual crowd') but taking it too far is what I have problems with. Anyways, I've learnt my lesson, know where to draw the line now. :-)
I told you about the magazine story... starting one isn't a problem, finance is. I don't want another fiasco. This time, if I get into it, I'll go prepared.
That's one thing I can't agree to. I don't think there's anything like THE ONE. It's more about the right time rather than the right person. And I'm too fickle-minded a character to love one thing. So, I'd love many, but I'd love them no less. :-)
(Right. I'm done with the epic comment. This took longer than the post itself!)
glad that u are back... :D
hugs n tc dear
Haha!
Good, good! Well done!
Well said!
Hmmm...
Sad...
@ Vicky
Glad that there are people who want me here. :-)
Thanks.
@ AP
You really need to specify what brought on all those exclamations.
finally u r back..bhelcome bhack :P
i hope dobara fits na pade.. bt its good to see you back in action..
keep blogging nd bugging..
take care :)
I for one intend to meet most of my blogger friends. I meet whom I can during blog camps. I'm sure I'll get more US trips in future and would then meet as many friends as possible. World has gotten so much shorter these days.
Also, there was a big discussion at Dave's place about critical comments. No one wants to be an ass in posting comments. So most of us use the sandwich concept of saying one good thing then the critical part and ending on a good note. Which seems all fair to me.
I personally ask Sarah and Jason on mails, about my writing when I want honest remarks. Coz frankly criticism from every Tom, Dick and Harry doesn't help either.
You can start an e-magazine. It'll cost you just 600 bucks for domain. And I know a 15 yr old guy who makes more than 50k a month so there's a lot of money if you put your heart to it.
And for "I don't think there's anything like THE ONE" Am not comparing my sad love life to yours but I do agree love is if not most then one of the most imp. things in life. But to me making someone the sole purpose of living is truck loads of crap. Trust me, the other person too does not want that burden on them. There's so much one can do with life and yet life seams so little.
And NO ONE likes a whiner. Friends too stick by for only so much time. So get you chin up and fight. Do or do not, there is no try.
@ Aniket
Well, you're lucky in that department. Most of us don't have the means or time to accomplish all that. You could just hope that you'd meet them all perhaps at some later stage, but meeting so many people in so many different parts of the world is not what everyone here can go about doing.
The sandwich concept sounds like a good thing- won't offend the writer, would still say something constructive and definitely won't make one look like an ass.
E-magazine sounds like a good idea. Will do some research for I've not a clue in the world about its functioning.
Ey! My life's (just life, not specifically love life) much more sad than yours. Lol. Let's not even get there. I compltely agree that 'making someone the sole purpose of living is truck loads of crap'. You couldn't have put it any better. Everyone needs a companion at one point of their life or another and it does not necessarily have to be just one person or the same person. That will be unfair to even them! Of course, in these selfish times, one's happy if they can carry their own burden. Why, of course they would hate it if you too start leaning on them.
And well, remember Benjamin Franklin- “He that whines for Glass without G/ Take away L and that's he.”? Genius! :D
You know what, you are quite like me in the taking-impulsive-decisions-and-regretting-later department, and also in the feeling-sad-and-not-showing-it department! :P
You know what.. When I started my first blog some five years ago, I did it just for joining the bandwagon. I mean, blogs were pretty hot at that time... Being new and all that - and I thought that having one of mine would be a cool thing to do!
However, the same thing happened to me too... I started wondering who I was writing for and why. I shut down that blog after it languished for months and never showed any sign of readership.
With years down the line, what I really have understood that honesty works in a blog, and it works tremendously! If you just be yourself and type away whatever comes to your mind... Without thinking about the reactions of a small set of individuals, you'll actually feel happy after publishing the post - readers or no readers!
Why do you think you can't meet people from the online world in person? They have their own bodies which are perfectly capable of moving, isn't it? :P
Ah yes... I am very glad to know that you are back at blogging. WELCOME BACK!!
I love you Oh "0 Hypocrite" :P
Keep writing
CRD
ahh.. u had me worried/scared/left me yearnin for more/wonderin wats happenin/thinkin, if everythin s alright/hope its not the last entry with ur previous entry!
Glad it aint! :) keep goin!!
@ Rajat
My apologies for replying so late. I had been so involved in all this festive season and not enjoying it all... Finally I'm rid of it!
Well, they're people, yes and not ghosts (though having a body that moves doesn't necessarily mean they are humans... they could be zombies or animals too! :P) but the problem is the distance. They're not necessarily in the same city or country and that makes it impossible to catch up with them in person for, I do not, yet, have the time or the means to go world-hopping. :P
Maybe some day...
And yayiee! I'm glad that you're glad. Lol
I know I haven't put up anything sensible for quite sometime now, but I will.. I will... I'm just suffering from 'Creation's block'. :(
@ CRD
Love you too! Will keep writing and will definitely keep spreading 'in sanity'. ;-)
@ Shash
Well, your worries were not unfounded. 'Twas supposed to be my last entry but the hypocrite in me woke up and well, here I am!
So, cheer up! More nonsense coming your way!
:D
Hey dear one....I am soooooooooo haapppyyyyy that you are back!!!!
Like Aniket I read both your farewell and come back together....
Anyways I am glad that you made the right decision. Many a times I've felt that virtual friends had been more supportive than real ones. Definitely you don't want to leave us all!
We love having you back:)
This is a world where you can be as real as you want to be and even then be acknowledged for what you are:)
Lotsa hugs, my dear kriti.
Have a gr8 time ahead!
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