Day One: Of Goblin Blood, Treacherous SHOs and The End

I was tempted to delete the last post (but no, I hyper-link it instead) and pretend it never happened... the experiment, i.e. But the sad truth is that it did.

Day One saw me waking up at quarter to six (which, as we all know is a crime in December) and smell the ever-so poisonous medicine/ herb/ instant death potion as my mum forced it in my hands even before I had opened my eyes. Charming morning, ain't it? So there I was, barely awake, sitting with that awful-smelling goblin-blood like substance (I bet Crabbe and Goyle's bogey-flavored Polyjuice Potion tasted better than that) and willing to do anything to just rid myself of the smell. A smart person would've just thrown the entire thing down the sink, but not me. I tried to drink it. That was when I decided it couldn't be Goblin blood for blood - any blood - HAS to taste better than that thing! It tasted like a mixture of paper mache, dried grass and sand. Even though the mind insisted I finish the entire thing, the body refused and sent everything back where it had come from...

Thus ending this unfortunate adventure.

Moral of the story: Never trust an SHO.

CPR and a new experiment

How long has it been? I realise time is relative. Of course Einstein Uncle proposed this theory aeons ego, but one understands when one does, right? To sum up, so much has happened since October (last post) that it seems like an year already. Quite frankly I feel like I've aged 5 years in these last two months, but then that's not for me to judge.

Coming to the point, I figured it was time I performed a CPR on this blog for, well, two reasons.

1) Oncoming Exams and hence requirement for a place to rant. 

2) The Experiment.

The point about exams is self-explanatory. But my oh my the experiment. This is where my much-proclaimed pseudo-suicidal tendencies kick in. Which non-suicidal, happy with his life, person would ever attempt what I'm going to! For those of you wondering, let's start with the basics. I'm fat. That's the beginning and end of it. You see- beginning and end of it? As in, it's round? Like, fat? Never mind. Lame, quite lame. My humble apologies, I'm out of practice. One can't really think of cracking good jokes when the only stuff they've written in the last two months happened to be assignments. But I digress...

After trying a few things, I stumbled upon what claims to be a miracle drug of sorts (Ayurveda. Don't ask.). How is another very very interesting story, but we'll go there some other day. Till then, let me just inform you that  it was given to me by the SHO of our local police station, and no I don't know him personally. This little cure comes with a price though. A diet. (*faints*).

And boy what a diet! For ten days, I can't eat anything. I kid you not. The only thing I can eat- A special sort of chapati (as many as I want) but nothing else. No sabzi, daal, rice. Heck, I can't even taste spices or sugar. Only salt in moderate amounts and that has to be included in the dough of the chapati and cannot be consumed in any other manner. 

I hope you believe now that this a suicidal attempt. The idea is to update daily with the last post probably written by my brother informing you all of my funeral.

Till then, happy eating! *cries buckets*