When NOT Facing the Books

So another year coming to an end. I wish I had chronicled all the important moments of my life. Some, I did; others I couldn't. 2009 started with a visit to Goa in January. February saw the changing equations with friends and the 'Dilli Darshan' trips. If March brought with it the farewell of our seniors and more changing equations, April was when things started making sense. May and June and most of July went by like a storm when I was busy working on the now-despised NOW magazine. July witnessed teenage dramas in my life and with that one 'Ji' that came with the onset of August, my world changed forever. Life after that was a dream- sweet at times, bitter at others, but a dream nonetheless.

The following is basically a retarded post- an arbit collection of my crazy status messages on facebook. Read at your own peril. If anyone wants any information pertaining to any particular status- the story behind it- just drop me a comment and I'll get back; or just enjoy it for what it is- a year's worth of insanity!

1) Kriti Sharma Edward Cullen is named after Edward Rochester? WTF?!?! That just killed all his charm!! :(

2) Kriti Sharma is gathering rocks to throw at you!

3) Kriti Sharma is so adjective, she verbs nouns.

4) Kriti Sharma is eating the pages of her coursebooks hoping that it will go straight to her head

5) Kriti Sharma took two days to figure out what exactly 'maanak bhaasha' means... It means "Standard language". Sheesh!!

6) Kriti Sharma is all set to create the world record (of getting negative marks in a paper where there ARE no negative marks) in tomorrow's Hindi exam.

7) Kriti Sharma wishes she could watch the IPL without worrying about quilts that cast elephantine shadows, hypothetical boundaries and alternate sexuality.

8) Kriti Sharma Pork is like oink oink but dead.

9) Kriti Sharma ate hailstones

10) Kriti Sharma Can-o You-o Speak-o Spanish-0? I-o Can-o! :P

11) Kriti Sharma is apathetic sociopath. She'd kill you if she cared

12) Kriti Sharma can't understand why work on the water pipeline caused a 7-hour long powercut. *scratches her head in confusion*

13) Kriti Sharma is "irritatingly stupid". (Thank you, Mr./Miss you-know-who! That's very interesting indeed!)

14) Kriti Sharma Darling, nothing is final 'til you're dead, and even then, I'm sure God negotiates.

15) Kriti Sharma is pretending you don't exist... and it's fun!

16) Kriti Sharma Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute Experience.

17) Kriti Sharma just banged her head in the wall... it cracked open. Mercifully, there was nothing inside. :D

18) Kriti Sharma 's cigar is piping hot!

19) Kriti Sharma Once upon a time when we were riding real easy.. Only we used our new Maruti.. Look up on the sides when a city girl pass by.. balle balle you say bye bye bye..

20) Kriti Sharma This, to inform the general public of the dangerous inclinations of one Kriti Sharma, who is now clinically established a psychopath of the first degree. Bewarned, and approach with care!

21) Kriti Sharma It's official. I DO HATE HUMANS!

22) Kriti Sharma haryanvi gaane sune sey! :D

23) Kriti Sharma loves Anu. Anu fed her muffins. :D

24) Kriti Sharma is dead bored. Waise, technically, it should be 'bored and dead', right? How can I be dead first and then bored? Wait! Dead people must get bored too! Yesss! Ooohh.... oohhh.. This proves my theory!.. Wait.. what was I talking about again?

25) Kriti Sharma If I put double sided adhesive on a bird, can call it duck tape?

26) Kriti Sharma reckons she should utilize this time by making up her own language. It extracts mine with shoul that the end made to press and the language of which my screw, conversion later and of which thinks.

27) Kriti Sharma devised a plan to take over the south pole, using taped together polar bears. Needs an accomplice. Anybody game?

28) Kriti Sharma is addicted to her cigar. Smoke on! :-)

29) Kriti Sharma is watching grass grow.

30) Kriti Sharma ko chullu bhar paani mein doob marna chahiye.

31) Kriti Sharma Bleh... like... bleh!!!!

32) Kriti Sharma just cleaned her room, gave it a little a makeover and now it looks like it belongs to a girl! Sheesh! Disaster!

33) Kriti Sharma is lonely... and sad.. :( .. Actually, it's more like bored... but oh well! Bleh!

34) Kriti Sharma is wondering if Riley took acid.

35) Kriti Sharma Umm, err, uhh, WHAT?!?!

36) Kriti Sharma agrees with Ayushman! La la lala la lala la.... life is crazy! HAPPY CRAZY!

37) Kriti Sharma is his girl! :D

38) Kriti Sharma "One unperfectness shows me another, to make me frankly despise myself."

39) Kriti Sharma Impotent and Whore. Sigh!

40) Kriti Sharma will print all her assignments on a special paper with a watermark that says "KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME"

41) Kriti Sharma gets married to Abhayankar Sharma and lives happily ever after. For more on this, please hound Rhea Srivastava

42) Kriti Sharma French Fries and Brad Pitt.... the razai.... TV ka remote and Brad Pitt.... no pesky young brother... just S.O.L.I.T.U.D.E.. and ooh! Did I mention Brad Pitt? Not to forget the hot jalebis on their way... and BRAD PITT!

43) Kriti Sharma What is a chicken? A chicken is an animal you can purchase in the Barn Buddy store with Barn Buddy credits or coins.

44) Kriti Sharma And my parents are distraught coz "Avtaar mar gaya!". Et tu, Pop? Then fall, Kriti.

45) Kriti Sharma is still thinking of planning to make an actual plan to study

46) Kriti Sharma just saw a totally strange smell and it sounded like it was bright pink!

47) Kriti Sharma A dialogue between me and mum... Me: (busy watching From Russia with Love).. Mum: Bas yehi karna tum din bhar.. exams aa rahe hain... uski to chinta hi nahi.. movies dikhwa lo inhein har samay!// Me (smiling): Mummy, movie course mein hai.// Mummy: Haan haan... mujhe to ullu samjha hai na!// Me: (picks up the coursebook and hands it to mum).. Mum quietly walks out. // :)

48) Kriti Sharma wasted yet another day doodling when not alternating between watching movies and nearly burning the house down. Life really cannot be better! :D

49) Kriti Sharma Wake up at 1, watch romantic movies till 4, spend an hour lamenting why life has no happy endings, pretend to study, fall asleep again, wake up 7, decide to skip bathing for it'll only 'waste half an hour of [your] study time', then spend 40 minutes on fb and upload this stupid status. Can life really get better than this? :D

50) Kriti Sharma will step out of the house after 5 days of complete isolation. BIG DAY! Somebody call the press, please? Or Tweet this at least... it's 2009's last great event!

Wish you all a Freaking Crazy New Year 2010! 




I love death, the thought of it, not the smell. The sound isn't that bad either, but the smell is unbearable. The sight is very interesting... remarkable if coupled with the presence of blood; the smell is torturous. I can smell it now.

Hate is all it evokes in me. It all began a week back on those stairs. Lying helpless in your arms I did not feel the familiar warmth that filled my chest when you touched me; rather, I felt it- watching over me, silent, crouching, awaiting its chance, to pounce, to strike and bring on the end.

You were there then. But what will you do now? How will you save me? It's here, ready to devour, to suck up the warm, delectable blood and leave a repulsive, repugnant pile of flesh and bones behind.

Distorted limbs, empty eye-sockets, spilling brains... it was everywhere. Death had paid a brief visit but the smell lingered on. The disaster was for all to see, the smell just for me. It is as if everyone is suffering from anosmia. How could they be oblivious to this sickening smell! But they are!

Tubelights cracked, bulbs exploded, dogs howled and humans wailed but death continued- unconstrained, uncontainable, unquenchable.

The smell haunts me still.



 I came home to you:
Distempered, denuded
Deterrents welcomed me.
Confined, detained; I stared out,
Into the night
Where darkness reigned
And fluorescent bulbs jeered at me.
Cajoled the heart;
Knew you would return.
I am all you have.

The empty godforsaken hall
Resonated yet- heaved, sighed:
Your lyrical breath haunts me still,
Even as the silhouette
Gently, unceasingly drifts away.
You’re not here
But your presence lingers on.
The smoke- like a
Sick, slick serpent
Stealthily it ate into me.

Shrivelled, wrinkled, weary
Weakened limbs trembled.
Even as the truth sank:
Plunging me headlong into
Uncertain abysmal shadows
You would not return.
It swallowed you and
Followed me home. Evil,
Empty sockets stared back.
Life- withering, waning, retreating.

A patter of tiny,
Scared feet scurried away-
Petrified but hopeful, still.
And as the silence
Grew profound, my mind
Became my sanctuary.
Where thoughts of you
Were still pulsating with life;
Where you
Laughed and loved and lived.