2.5.10

The Final Embrace




Behind the doors, beyond the sea
Knew not gloom, knew not glee;
Spirit of the lake and seas and rivers
Frothing spasms, bone chilling shivers.
Death but gently kissed

Time and space frozen again
Silence surrounds, sorrow strains;
Anguish impaired, infected reason
Crimson terror persecuted vision.
The bottle slyly hissed

Healing herbs turned assassin
Victim of a crime of passion;
Love defeated, prosecutor Envy
Here he lies, where he longs to be,
Embraced by the mist



Note: This is my take on Prompt #3 at Flash Fiction. You can check out the original post here.

13 comments:

J said...

I want to name you The Goddess of Death.
Will come back to comment more.

Creation said...

@ J

*bows with a flourish*

What more could I have asked for? Thanks a ton!

Creation said...

@ Rainboy


I'm so sooo sorry I just deleted your comment by mistake. Can you post it again, please? Thanks for stopping by though. :)

rainboy said...

koi nai ..hota hai...

I was just saying that i loved this line...
//victim of a crime of passion//

lovely writeup hai...

take care

Creation said...

@ Rainboy

That's my one of my favorites too. Waise, there are too many in this particular poem... for myriad reasons. Personally, I love this one for the sound of passion (I speak it as a silent hiss while reading aloud) and alliteration effect of 'm' and 'c'. :)

J said...

Sometimes I think you are a Death-Eater and we, the readers are the prisoners of Azkaban.
One of the better poems on your blog. Has got a nice rhythm and flow to it. Though I have heard some of the phrases here and there, I found it mostly original.
Kudos!
Cheers!

Scribblers Inc said...

excellent rhyme scheme...the expressions almost have a ballad-ish ring to them...I love it! :D

Scribblers Inc.

AP said...

In what vivdly connotes what is fabled as the fate of some of Dante's ill-starred lovers in his monumental work, this poem is emblematic of a conditions which seem to have plauged since time immemorial the human kind in various forms- conditions which, in other words, serve well to restrict the universality of materialism, a habit, if it may be said, peculiar to your work. "Love defeated, prosecutor Envy": "Death but gently kissed"- what more to sum the crossed fate of mortal lives and loves?

The imagery connotes instantly and remarkably vivdly the Styx and the Hades beyond; your Charon - "Spirit of the lake and seas and rivers" - guides impassioned, criminal souls over to judgement, to a verdict as harsh and unremitting as Sisyphus'. Indeed, for in that infinity of space and time what punishment can be as tormenting as the company of those very thoughts which led him to where he now belongs? The Styx reverses its power, fot the soul now emerges not cleansed of its mortal stains but further deep'd in those criminal passions of our poetic persona's envious heart. In the end, nothing but vague, vapoury and the abundantly ethereal mist...

The ideas conveyed, therefore, stand aloft a level of maturity and an understanding of the human heart, but the form remains as seems the wont of much of the day's poetry- simplistic and rhythimcal. Innovation in the latter, though in no way obligatory, to either readers of the critics, may yet be called for in future works. Of course, at this level, it may do well to interrogate the very basis of our poetry and its moorings in an increasingly tormented bourgeois interiority: whether to balance commitment with content, to skewer in favour of one or the other or, ultimately, to let each his/her own and, if so, the merits of demerits of the same.

AP said...

Though, having now taken into cognisance the attached photograph, I must admit that my criticism was in a way limited and too logocentric. Further, having taken into account the reception of the work - and not the text - I must also comment on the probity of the other experiences in fixing authorial intent- this, as well as on this very nature of critism to locate this same and thus, in ways more than one, restrict the import of a work to particular epistemologoies.

Creation said...

@ Anubhav

Read it. Will get back tomorrow. You know I'm really busy right now, with some, umm, stuff. I suppose that is quite self-explanatory.

Aniket said...

Just gonna say thank you for joining the gang on FlashFiction.in

I knew, I could count on you. ;)

Rajat said...

what a poetic expression.. wonderful

Lima said...

I had to comment on this one..!!
Beautifully expressed..!

:)

Keep the good work up dear..!
All the best.!