1.10.09

Bidding adieu

Somewhere deep in my heart, I knew this day would come... what I did not know was that it would come like this. Bidding adieu has never been easy but I’ve done it once today and that makes this easier. In fact, I won’t be lying if I say that the first goodbye was the trigger for the second one.

Sigh!

I remember a late-night conversation with a dear friend who was surprised to learn about my intense attachment with my blog. I’m reproducing the conversation here-


me: lol..
you talk about this as if it were not my blog but something else....
 Distorted: I understand you're pretty attached to it.
11:23 PM
me: But of course!
 It’s the only thing that has been constantly accompanying me since the last one and half year...
11:24 PM
Distorted: A part of you, eh?
 me: much more than that!
 It’s my life...
 that sounds clichéd
 but its true


Yes, sad though it may sound, it is true. The blog, is, was, my life.

(I just saw Deepa’s comment on the last post. Yes, it feels glad to have you back Deepa, but I won’t be around anymore to share all the fun.)

Two years ago, the commencement of this blog also marked the beginning of a great friendship. Although we parted ways after a year, I still cherish every moment of it. Some things are not meant to work out and that was one of them and even though it ended, I only have fond recollections of it. I am, and will always be, grateful to J for introducing me to the almost-magical world of blogosphere.

Now that I’m on a reminiscence tour, it’s getting difficult to continue with this. However melodramatic this may sound, it actually hurts to type every single letter- a real heartache, not just a metaphorical one.

Moving on, I made more friends. As I type it out now, it sounds really ridiculous, but these ‘virtual’ friends felt more ‘real’ than the ‘real’ ones. I was, for once, overjoyed! Thinking of it, Kreation even played an enormous role in helping me find the love of my life. No, I did not ‘find’ him through my blog, but if it hadn’t been for our respective blogs, we would not have, perhaps, even talked to each other... nothing more than the customary ‘HIs’ and ‘hellos’, I’m sure. I’m still grateful to the blogosphere for all these wonderful people in my life and it was the loss of one of them that drove me to write this post and put an end to Kreation.

Stupid though it may sound, I don’t want to meet more people. I don’t want to make new ‘friends’. It hurts when they leave and no matter how much you try to move on and let go, there remains a big, gaping hole in your heart- the place they once occupied. I’m a coward, no doubt about it. I’ve lost enough people in my life, some to fate and some to utter stupidity, but no more of it. It hurts when you lose them to fate; there’s certain permanence about it. But it hurts a thousand-fold when you lose someone to human fallacies.  It hurts when they block you, mentally and/ or technically and won’t even listen what you have to say.

Even the best of friends just break-off and would not even try making it work. It difficult, no doubt, but isn’t the friendship worth it all? Like another friend said, you feel like executing them all. But then, what good does it do? Being at the receiving end not just once I know it won’t do any good. They just block you, forget it, move on. They don’t give a damn about it. Apparently, they’re so ‘embittered’ by one mistake that they are ready to put weeks, months and years of all the good times you shared together. And it just doesn’t matter.

And what do you do when faced by such a situation? Or, can you really do anything when they’re hell bent on ignoring you? Of course not! You can write, hope that they would read it but they’ve blocked you, so no point! Ultimately, what happens is that you are the one, who thinks about it, gets stressed out, even cry your heart out sometimes, but then, WHAT?

You can move on, of course, but as Aupsy said- “there's only a limit to how much one can move on... one can’t go beyond the end of the world... and if we keep moving on, wouldn’t be the ones to find ourselves in a corner?” You want to kick them, slap them, even beg them... anything to make them see sense, but you inadvertently end up with a sorry... only because you care. What other alternative do you have? Sticking to someone who doesn’t wish to be bothered by you? Imposing yourself on them? That does no good. If only there was a way of letting them know the intensity of the hurt they’ve caused you. But, there isn’t.  And what if you manage to tell them? Can you rest in peace after that? “Friends don’t come in wholesale”. :-) 


I know I’m blabbering but the point of the matter is that this is all a game of avoiding failure. I was thirsty for love; the blog showered me with it. But this love is like Leprechaun gold. It doesn’t last. And then the world burns... the heart yearns... to no avail! I've had enough of it! So, since I'm also on a trip to shut down all entrances to my heart, I decided to start with the blog. Like the old saying goes- na rahega baans, na bajegi baansuri. 

This is cowardice too, definitely, but at least the blog won’t beg me to listen to it. And if it does... I swear to God, if it does, I’ll listen!

Oh well! I want to write more and more and more, so that there IS no end but now it’s impossible to write more. A part of me is trying to stop me from doing this and a constant mental struggle is on. And before I give in to the tempting idea of deleting all this, I’m going to post it and be done with it.



Goodbye Kreation.


So, well, yeah... this is...


*THE END*




17 comments:

anu said...

kriti i hate u for this.. hw can u do this..
m so gonna miss ur writing.. :(
u r so cruel. bt u r also helpless cuz i knw wat happnd bt still u cant kill ur life
think again pls
thts all i want to say.

ssp said...

I don't know how you'll react to having me post a comment, but I have but one thing to say:

It's foolhardiness. Don't do it. Speaking from experience, you have a habit of leaving the good things in life. You know what I'm referring to. That's stupid, that's foolish. You don't get anywhere or do anything by being a coward. Stand up, FACE IT!

You might wish to delete this comment seeing as it's from me. Go ahead and do so at will. But stand up there and fight. Fight because you must, fight because you have to, fight because you deserve to. For if you don't fight, you're being a fool, which is much worse than being a coward.

J said...

Pagal ho gayi hai? yeh blog shutting kuchh annual event types ho gaya hai...
being one of the 'founding members', I veto its closing down. Ryt now u r a bit agitated, so update it as sporadically as u wish (like me...once a year..lol)....with time things will improve...

yaar I write in my CV that I "discovered" a gem of a writer...please dont take that away frm me...
:P
Cheers!

Aupsy-The cOOlest One!! said...

cheers to kreation!!! :)

(still hoping it'll be back) :D

The Wanderer said...

you'll be back, and we'll be here...

nothing more and nothing less.

CRD said...

:(


Waiting for the next post

CRD

Abhijeet !! who else ? said...

go go jason water falls please stick to the rivers and the lakes that u use to be ;)

VickY said...

//it hurts a thousand-fold when you lose someone to human fallacies. It hurts when they block you, mentally and/ or technically and won’t even listen what you have to say.//

that hit home... a lot here i can understand and relate to...

Everyone needs some solitude...so i won't stop you.But as u said friends are hard to earn,remember that.
I am going to miss you alot,though i don't comment a lot here but i do read you.

tc and i hope that u'll come back soon.
Trust me you'll miss this place a lot.Even i thought of shutting down rainville last winter...but i came back.
Anyways, a lot has been said ...
my best wishes for life...
tc and bearhugs

[V] aka rainboy

Creation said...

@ Anu

Whatever was, was. I'm back. Ab khush ho ja and saali.. stop hating me! Tera favorite time-pass ban gaya hai... baat baat par 'i hate you'.. ja kuchh naya seekh!

Creation said...

@ ssp

There's so much to say but I shall refrain myself, for this is a public forum and what I had to say isn't really in good taste.

Creation said...

@ J

Annual nahi hai yaar... last year kuchh nahi kiya tha! :P

Took your advice, didn't blog for sometime but I'm back again. :-)

And well, we all know what you write in your CV... ;-)

Creation said...

@ Aupsy

Thank you for being supportive all through. Now, if only you would come out with 'the story'...

Creation said...

@ Nishi


What more could be done when The Nishi had spoken! Your wish is my command, O Wandering Mistress! ;-)

Creation said...

@ CRD

The wait is over. :-)

Creation said...

@ Abhijeet

Ah! Changed the lyrics, eh?

Well, I'll stick to the original-

Don't go chasing waterfalls,
Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to,
I know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all,
But I think you're moving too fast

Creation said...

@ Vicky

Yes, you were right. I did miss the place and I wasn't away for two weeks! Two years worth of attachment is to difficult to let go of. I couldn't and came back. Will try to stick this time.

Creation said...

@ All

It feels so good that there are so many people who genuinely want me here (barring ssp, of course) and well, I am back... of course, knowing me, I know the drama might happen again, but next time I'll just take a break, won't even try anything permanent. The blog's staying here and so am I! :-)