My hands are itching to write, to read, re-read, type it all out, edit and then publish it on my blog. I know I’m not supposed to do that. I have closed it down, forever.
Will I? Won’t I? Will I? Won’t I? Oh my my! Talk about tough decisions. I read Rheality’s post today. She has also started and closed 6 blogs before she began with The Indecisive Cinegoer. Point being that even though I’ve closed it down, I’m DYING TO GO BACK TO IT!
Therein lays the problem. I’m programmed to not go back on my word. I quit the magazine I was working for and it was a very impulsive decision. Even though I kept contemplating (and for a good long time too!) if I should go back to it or not and even though I really wanted to, I couldn’t. I do not go back on my word, and that, my dear, is my tragic flaw, my hamartia. I don’t know why I’m even writing this and writing it as if I was addressing someone. No one’s going to read it!
An author writes for an audience, always. Even if you write for yourself you become your own audience and if you write because you don’t have anyone to talk and never even read what you write, well then, aren’t you writing for an imaginary audience? Of late, I had been wondering who I was writing for and why.
What everyone missed out on (and naturally so, because I never mentioned anything about it) was that the friend-incident was the trigger... I had been pretty irregular with my blog for quite some time now and that's because I couldn't see the point of blogging anymore. I couldn't understand why it was important to show my work to n number of random people and trust and/or value their judgement of it. That debate had been on for quite some time. I had also thought about disabling the comments permanently, but then, if I do display my work, I would want to know people's opinion of it. Since that didn't hold any importance for me, then why display it at all!
I realised that I had been blogging for the sake of it, not because I genuinely wanted to. But it was only after I stopped, when I knew in my heart of hearts that I’ve just ended it for good, I realised the enormity of the situation. I realised how terribly I’ll miss all that excitement of putting up a new post and waiting for the first comment, of discovering a new blog and learn about what’s happening in their part of the world.
I’m aware that what I’m writing now won’t make sense to most (See! I’m still writing as if I’m going to post this on Kreation! Hmph!). Gist of the matter is- I’m pretty easily incensed and end up taking impulsive decisions which I might or might not regret. In case I do, I don’t show it and just pretend that it doesn’t make much of a difference when actually it does!
After an entire day spent thinking what to do and what not to... a Rheality check helped! I know no one’s going to kill me if I start blogging again. But I was still apprehensive about getting back to it. It doesn’t seem right when you bid farewell only to return again. But WTF! It was my decision to stop blogging and it is my decision to resume it. To hell with anyone who thinks I’m a hypocrite. I might be, no doubt, but a happy one at that!
So peoplessssss... more moronic posts on your way!
P.S.: For the first time in history (okay! Lie! It’s actually the second time. Note: Don’t ask about the first!) Kritically yours (yours truly, me! (only for the obtuse... please ignore if you got it the first time))and Rheality check are COMING TOGETHER!!! Oh well, perhaps you don’t grasp the enormity of this colossal event. You will once you see what’s in store for you. Just wait and watch!
P.P.S.: This post was published unedited and if it doesn't make sense to you, well, bleh!
Currently playing: Pussycat Dolls- Jai Ho (It sucks!)