8.9.08

Incognito

At 8:20 a.m. on a Monday, the most hectic day in college, i find myself in 912 (which is thankfully DTC and not a blue line. Though it doesn't make much difference now.) sitting on the seat right before the conductor's. A genteel girl is standing nearby, definitely very uncomfortable (who wouldn't be if there were two pe****s rubbing against you ), yet bearing it all.

Her face speaks of an agony that stretches far beyond this bus-ride. A daughter's agony, whose father doesn't believe in her but has full-faith on her evidently useless brothers and everyday, she steps out the 'comfort' of the house into this big bad world which is chiefly plagued with predators; only to prove her father wrong. Only.

Her neatly manicured hands, nicely done hair and a carefully chosen pin-striped crisp cotton shirt with a vest screams that she is dying to be noticed- by you, by me, by her colleagues, her friends and the man of her dreams. Her dreamy eyes betray the solemn look on her face. They speak of dreams unheard of. Dreams of reaching such heights that its not expected, even atrocious, of her to even 'think' of them.

She doesn't tell you that she comes from a family which has difficulty in providing the basic comforts... no, not comforts... the basic needs; but the cuffs of her shirt, flared at ends and her jeans, torn... in a way that is certainly not 'fashionable' let you in on this secret.

Her dusky complexion, sharp features and a square jaw, possibly inherited from her father, exude certain exuberance, beauty. Beauty, that is not flamboyant or dumb but made even more charming by the asperities that she under-went.

She speaks... oh yes, she does!
She tries hard to sound disdainful and overbearing but there's an unmistakable hint of diffident modesty in her voice that she fails to conceal even after trying hard to sound reticent and withdrawn.

A blood red handkerchief in her hand speaks of a passion that she seems incapable of possessing, but nonetheless its an insight into the romantic that's buried deep inside her heart. She won't tell you how much she doted on a certain chocolate-boy- "OH! He's just okay."- but deep down she wishes to have a complete fairy-tale existence.

If there is one thing she is adept at, its ensconcing her wishes. Dreams are one thing, they wiggle out even if she doesn't want them too. There she has no control. But wishes- only she is aware of her wishes- no one else.
Not you.
Not me.

And she gets off.

20 comments:

Nishi said...

A truth well stated... nicely done :)

Good post! Keep'em coming!

Blurb Queen said...

i told you...brilliant and very in-depth observational power....

Blurb Queen said...

i told you...brilliant and very in-depth observational power....

creation said...

thnx

:)

Anonymous said...

Hello krits, You have such a flair for the art of creative writing. your work has so much passion and almost comes alive when i read it.

creation said...

Thank you Amps!

Thans so generous of you!

priyankascribe said...

beautiful, enchanting
i think this is the best way to describe any women. strong and bold to the outer world yet tender and caring from within....

Anonymous said...

simplyyyyy!!!!
amazinnnnn

creation said...

@ anony

plz remember to mention ur name next time.

Deepak said...

it's mine first here on ur blog...
this time i cudnt manage to close the window without saying a few words...

afterall...
Next to excellence is the appreciation of it....
a very very well executed text...

anu said...

now thts something truely amazin.
u expressed ur observation so well babes
also i would lik to hav a chat vid ya on this topic
i had a discussion in college as well
i look forward for stuff lik this
keep up the good work
take care

Vedprakash said...

its purely a work based on the science of deduction.
u r observing ur surroundings as if ur just breathing.
den grasping,analysing,debating,describing nd concluding it in d most beautiful way not offending d girl in ur bus,,,rather making her happy for atleast someone has heard her unspoken words like family members nd friends do.
which may not b true in d case of d girl bcoz-
1 for her some1 is d world and
2 for some1 she is d world

sh's in search of 2nd for her aspirations, for her dreams, for her independence.
afteral its d result of 4yrs of reading nd practise.
it was-"practise makes man perfect"
it is-"perfect practise makes man perfect"..ur an xample of dis.
creative as kriti.
kriti as creative.

Vedprakash said...

its purely a work based on the science of deduction.
u r observing ur surroundings as if ur just breathing.
den grasping,analysing,debating,describing nd concluding it in d most beautiful way not offending d girl in ur bus,,,rather making her happy for atleast someone has heard her unspoken words like family members nd friends do.
which may not b true in d case of d girl bcoz-
1 for her some1 is d world and
2 for some1 she is d world

sh's in search of 2nd for her aspirations, for her dreams, for her independence.

creative as kriti.
kriti as creative.
thanks.

creation said...

@ deepak..

I know u have been following my blog for quite a while now.. and i just can't tell you how glad i am to finally see that u actually left a comment!!

Thank you so much

creation said...

@ anu.

point noted my lord.

gender sensitization committee ke baare mein.. il make sure i mention it in a post. Some short story probably..


m working on one these days..

creation said...

@ vedprakah

That was so generous of you. I'm glad you appreciate my work

Keep visiting. thank you.

aupsy said...

this ones really gud, one of ur best... now u sound like a professional assoc. editor... :)

very mature n very good...
got to learn loads of new words...

creation said...

Gee!! Thank you..

English hons. has taught me a few things..!!

ssp said...

For some divine reason unknown and unfathomable to an ordinary mortal like me, people tend to believe that more often than not, I'll be able to provide them with valuable insight on their writings.

That strange idiosyncrasy never ceases to amaze me, for till this date, I have not been able to develop valuable insights on my own writings, let alone somebody else's. Still... you asked me to have a look at your blog, and I promised you I shall comment, so let me try to sound intelligent to the best of my abilities.


On commenting upon this singular post, I'm split between commenting on the finery of the writing style and the finery of the subject it deals with. The writing style, I believe, is electrifying. You've painted a vivid and descriptive picture, and painted in a manner which, never for a minute, makes the reader feel that the opportunity cost for not reading would probably be a better option. What I believe helps along is the enigmatic nature of the post... the telling of a story by only representing part of it... and maintaining that element of mystery till the very end. Also, a story depicting gloom. Somehow, enigma and gloom always seem to go well together.

Now that I'm through with my gibberish words on the Style, let's move on to the Subject.

... Feminism, huh? Big time, hardcore feminist writer. Let me tell you something - you couldn't have chosen a better department to study in. And I believe that's all I can and should say with regards to the subject, because if I do something, I believe in going to the minutest and finest detail, and trust me... you don't want me started on Feminism now.

C R D said...

hey..this was very nicely done..uve brought out the feelings of a regular girl very well...its not surprising that you know the feelings, ur a gal urslef..but the way u put it in words was really good :)

dreams keep us alive!