tagged by aru. (my first tag)

Ahh… well… my first tag!!!
I hope it goes well…

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.

Well… now who wouldn't want a lightning bolt scar (yup!! m talking to you aru!)
Any ways, coming back to my own, I have got so many that I’ve lost count now. But there’s one that’s special- it’s on my right leg and I got it when I first drove a bike. Didn't know where the silencer was, so got burnt! ( n Yup!! I can drive a bike! Don’t believe me?? Go, wash your face and read this again- I CAN DRIVE A BIKE!!!)
And, by the way, that particular bike which gave me this nut size burn mark [ Actually it looks like an eclipsed sun to me, but then, it would be stretching my imagination too far and you probably would think that I’m a narcissist which I’m not! (See how innocently I’ve included that part without even being called a narcissist! (Hehehe))] is a black pulsar dtsi!! But sadly, it’s no more. My cousin (it was his bike) decided to jump a ditch one night (I guess, he had got a shot of adrenaline) and sadly fell into it (that was obvious!! Considering, the ditch was 15 feet wide and he‘s no professional stunt biker!). He survived with 12 stitches on his forehead but the bike could not endure the 20 feet head-on nose dive and was shattered beyond belief. May you rest in peace!
(And I guess, if this is how I’m going to proceed then I’d better drop the idea of doing this tag right now because in the past 17 minutes I’ve written just 1 answer! Shame on me!!)

2. What does your phone look like?

It isn’t even worth of being looked at! It’s a white and blue nokia 1110 (I call it the ‘baba aadam ke zamane ka cell’). But I had to make do with this one coz I broke my previous one (which was a total beauty! All black, chrome finish, VOQ Sierra A10. It was a Smartphone, equipped with Windows Mobile 2003 and a complete QWERTY thumb pad!)

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?

Presently, an ancient looking (that’s because it’s got tons of dirt on it, which I haven’t had the time to wipe out due to my ‘busy’ schedule. lol. And I guess, I wouldn’t, it looks better this way.) wooden head which I got from Ahmedabad 8 years back, a self made painting which I’ve put up only to hide the ‘modern art’ my kid brother once made, (Coming to think of it now, I guess, his ‘work’ is better than mine, so ill remove that painting.), the usual ‘do not disturb’, ‘enter at your own risk’ and ‘rules to be followed in my room’ posters on the door. I asked my Pop to get me a bulletin board, but he ignored it so I put up some of my art works and a collage of my pics on my cupboard itself!

4. What is your current desktop picture?

Its portrait of a beautiful lady. It has a calm, serene feel about it. I've put it up at the top of this post.

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?

I believe in and I totally support it too. Having been in an all girl’s school and seeing lesbian couples (classmates, don’t ask me ‘who?’ I wont tell you!), I don’t think there’s anything wrong or ‘disgusting’ (as some people like to believe) about it.
It’s oh-so-normal!

6. What do you want more than anything right now?

I want to sleep and then wake up to find that I have given my boards already, got the result and have even got admission in my favorite course and college. Too much? That’s how I am!

7. Are your parents still together?

Yes!!

8. Last person who made you cry?

It was a movie, and not an emotional one. Rather, an animation film ( Ice Age 2), and those were tears of joy.
Normally, I can’t cry. When I’m distraught, I end up writing a poem, and venting out my anger on someone (or something) completely innocent and unaware. I’m sorry to all those who’ve borne the brunt of my anger. But (again) that’s how I am!!

9. What is your favorite perfume/cologne?

None. I like the bottles better than the perfume itself. Besides, they are hell expensive too. But, there’s this one called ‘magnet’ which my dad got from somewhere for himself without even checking that it was a ladies’ perfume (Hehe. Poppy, tuhadda kujh ni ho sakda!). It’s nice, so that’s what I’m using these days.

10. What are you listening to?

C21’s ‘Stuck in my Heart’

11. Do you get scared of the dark?

No, rather, it fascinates me. But that’s outdoors, if I’m inside, then,- yes! I do get scared, and that’s because I have a mild case of claustrophobia.

12. Do you like pain killers?

Like?? Now what kind of a question is that? If its necessary, I take it. Simple. Recently, I had this terrible toothache and I ended up having 15 combiflams(500mg) and then slept for 18 hrs. straight!

13. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Hell, yes!!

14. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

French Fries!! Anytime, anywhere!! I just love ’em!!

15. Who was the last person who made you mad?

It has to be Kalrav, my kid brother, who else?? Sometimes I feel he has done a diploma course in ‘how to piss off your elder sister’.

16. Who was the last person who made you smile?

Has to be Kalrav, again! He’s a complete joker n a real sweetie too!

17. Is someone in love with you?
Haaiii.. This one’s best answered by the song I’m listening to right now-
“aankhon se tu door hai,
dhadkano ke paas hai,
Teri har yaadein sanam,
kehte hain kha ke hum kasam,
bankar labon pe pyaas hai.

Tagging on: ashish (since u don't 'feel' like writing anything new, so u betr do this tag now that uve been tagged twice. also ayush (ur first tag too.. hmmm...).. the others hav all been tagged.. so wont put up their names..

happy tagging

आ रहा हूँ मौत मैं भी!

ahh.. wel.. my first hindi poem on the blog.. n the second one ive evr written(first one was written in 7th class.. n is utter rubbish!!)..
i wud sure love some cmnts on this one....


बस धुंधलके की लहर में,
जा रहा था मैं सहर सा,
शाम की गुमसुम हवा में,
मौत के अदभुत कहर सा!

ये बुढापा यों ढाला था,
रात ढलती है कि जैसे,
ठंड में सिमटी हुई वो,
आह भरती है कि जैसे!

खून से लथपथ सिपाही,
जान कि बाजी लगा दे,
आ रहा हूँ मौत मैं भी,
गोद में अपनी पनाह दे!

वल्द से बिछ्दी हुई इक,
माँ की उस सूनी नज़र से,
देखता हूँ खुद की इन,
पर्छाइयो को मैं भी ऐसे!

उस कृषक के धू-धू करते,
राख बनते, खेत दिखते,
'वो' उसके खूं से ही उसी की,
मौत का पैगाम लिखते!

ऐसे ही कुछ, इस तरह से,
मेरे सपने भी जला दे,
आ रहा हूँ मौत मैं भी,
गोद में अपनी पनाह दे!

Never Shy Once Bitten....

well, this is one of my poems that i cud not undrstand myself.. if someone does.. plz take out a bit of time to xplain it to me..


Somewhere deep inside me,
An innocent little girl resides,
A visionary, she’s aspiring to spread
Her wings far and wide,
Dreams big, yet content with what she has,
By her morals and ethics she abides.

Somewhere deep inside me
Cryptic, concealed she stays,
Living in an illusion,
Gaining strength from sun’s rays,
Prod her, you’ll regret it,
She’s an enigma, a blaze!

Somewhere deep inside me,
In the vast ocean of imagination she swims,
Producing a distinct world altogether,
With her illicit fancies and whims,
She lies, hoodwinks and deceives,
Living life just on the brim!

Somewhere deep inside me
A devil with alien, exotic desires,
Try to understand her, you wouldn’t,
She’s the naked truth, a strong satire,
Odious, obnoxious. She’s offensive.
Devastating her foes is what she desires!

Somewhere deep inside me
Is the dark truth hidden,
Each word embedded in my mind
With bloody memories its written,
You say- “once bitten, twice shy”,
I say- “never shy once bitten”

all's well that ends well..

ahh.. ..well.. luks lyk i wont delete my blog aftr all..
there WERE some misconceptions that got cleared...
so no panga now..
thnx a lot to all those.. (ok.. there were just 3!!! du uh!!..) who felt that i shudnt delete it...
n for the others.. I DID NOT XPECT THIS..!!! 'sob'
chal koi nai yaara.. as i said.. 'all's well that ends well'..
sab kuchh changa ho gaya..
so... no panga!!

Give Me Back My Life!!

So difficult it is
To pour my heart out,
So difficult it is
To get over that nostalgic bout,
Of feelings so strange
I don’t even understand,
Of thoughts that pull me back
And won’t ever let me stand!

Pulling me back, is their
Enormous magnetic force,
I fight them, cry, shout,
Until my voice turns hoarse,
Still I’m pulling,
Trying to break free,
I am not my thoughts
I am just- ME!!

Letting yourself pulled,
Getting drowned in memories,
So easy to let them overtake you
Making the time freeze,
Like a little boy lost
Flying kite in the gentle breeze,
You tell me- “Its nothing, you’re happy!”
What! Oh! Pah-leez!

I know what I’m doing,
I’m positive, I’m right,
You don’t know me inside out,
You haven’t seen my plight.
Don’t tell me what to do,
Let me be, let me fight
My soul’s weeping, crying,
To move towards that ray of light!

All through this time, I’ve let you
Control me, my life,
Memories are all I have,
Memories- so rife,
My mind’s lost in a struggle,
A conflict of thoughts, strife,
Leave me alone, let me be,
Give me back my life!

Pure Ecstasy

i wrote this one 2 yrs back.. when i was in 10th.. night before my first board xam.. (which was sst by the way.. dunno wats the use of telling that.. but still. i thot id betr mention..)

my first poem that got published.. it holds a special place in my heart....


The trees are new and washed,
The flowers are all blushed,
The thunder is roaring,
Its sound is deafening,
But none can stop me
From enjoying-
Pure ecstasy!

The filtered raindrops,
From the netted windows,
Of my balcony,
Keep falling on me,
Reminding me of
Pure ecstasy!

The night has fallen,
The land is dark,
The only light- the moon
Is ’fraid of the abrupt crack.
He’s hiding, concealing,
From the sudden attack.
Deliberately missing,
The pleasure of
Pure ecstasy!

The outcome of this sudden attack,
Between nature and her inhabitants,
Mother nature is the winner,
The losers- the residents.
They are hermetic
In their respective dwellings,
Clearly missing,
But not regretting,
Pure ecstasy!

I am the only one.
Single and lone,
But not alone,
As I have with me-
Nature, pleasure,
Exhilaration, gratification,
And to top it all-
The feeling of
Pure ecstasy!

The Daughter They Never Wanted

I am alive, my soul is dead,
There’s a terrible pain in my heart,
Rational thoughts evict my mind,
I wonder- “Where did it all start?”

Was it the day he left me?
For reasons he could not tell,
No, I knew this was coming,
It was something I did foretell.

Was it when I failed
That I became so disheartened?
No, I know this isn’t true,
Those were testing times from which I learnt.

Was it that day-
When I first did drugs?
No, I think not!
And I continue with a shrug.

Was it when I left home?
And vowed never to return,
After all, I’m an adventurous soul,
And I know that was just for fun.

Or was it when
My kid brother was born?
No, it couldn’t have been,
Though I was left forlorn.

Was it when as a little girl
I stole that pencil from a classmate?
I got a good thrashing later, but
That was just an indication of my fate.

No, no, these are trivial instances,
I know where exactly it all started.
It was the day ‘I’ was born-
The daughter they never wanted!

Yet they kept me, raised me,
In an environment full of tension.
Oh! Why they couldn’t understand?
All I needed was love and affection!

Money, freedom and luxuries of life,
Were things I always had.
A warm hug, a pat on the back
I missed; and that made me sad.

All the money couldn’t buy me
A simple, caring friend,
A sweet, loving family.
But it’ll get me to my end.

My hand’s bleeding profusely,
I guess the cut’s just enough,
Parting from a daughter they never wanted,
For my parents, won’t be tough.

I’ve heard that from up there
Simply exquisite is the view!
Look out for me, I’d shout from there
That- “Mum! I love you!”

HANDICAP INVARIABLY PREVENTS PEOPLE FROM LEADING A HAPPY AND PRODUCTIVE LIFE!!!

I was given this topic and was asked to speak for the motion in an inter-school debate. My first reaction- “I’m sorry, I can’t!" The topic was enough to catch my attention towards the sheer neglect of handicapped people. Everywhere I look there are devils and angels, pantheons and freak-shows, all in the name of disability. Its hardly not a new trend. But this millennia-old attitude does a terrible disservice to disabled people everywhere to be cast as either devils or angels. It is dehumanizing, and removes us from our humanity and thus our basic human rights too.

I have come across a variety of individuals who have accepted challenges in life in the form of some handicap. (My father himself is visually handicapped, lost his eyes when he was just 2 yr. old.So i can say that i have had the opportunity to spend time in close proximity to handicapped people). But these people so successfully thwarted it that it now appears to be a life full of success and epitome for others. They never let their disability come in their way.

Disability?
Have I used this word?
But why?
I should not have!

Now there are positive terms available, matching with the positive attitude of such persons with handicaps. These individuals accept much bigger challenges in life because of the deficiency of a vital organ and so they should be termed as challenged!!

Handicap is basically a state of the mind. A so called able-bodied person may also not live a productive life. He may attribute his unhappiness to some other thing which he lacks in life. Don’t we all do that? Be it money, comfort or even the non-fulfillment of our wishes.
Just on the contrary, a person WITH a handicap may generally forget all about his deficiency , fight against all odds, struggle hard and lead a happy and productive life.
It depends more on our outlook towards life rather than the handicap.

If we look at it from a scientific angle, all our 5 senses enable us to lead a smooth life but in case a person is deprived of any particular sense, his sensory perception becomes so powerful and acute.
This simply happens because of his total dependence on his remaining 4 senses.
For example- if a person has a loss of vision, his aural and tactual perception increases, making it possible for him to forget all about his loss of vision.

In many areas we also notice that an individual who has accepted his handicap with an optimistic outlook and is content with his life is generally not accepted by a society which perceives handicap as a stigma or a blur.


At times, the society itself poses hindrances and obstacles by depriving an individual with a handicap of the opportunities which come in the way very naturally to a person without a handicap. Is this fair on their behalf? Did they commit a mistake by being a little less equipped than us, the so called able-bodied?
NO! Then they have every right to live a productive life! And those who think otherwise, I consider that they are the ones who are really handicapped.

LIFE

Life,
The way it got to be,
It can never be to me,
Oh life!
I can never be too sure,
If I really wanna see some more,
Of my life!

It pains me,
When I see you,
It pains me, yeah!
Even when I think of you,
It pains me even more
when you call me,
To apologize,
For what you never did!

Now,
Can you mend my broken heart?
Could it be a new start
Of my life?

I was wrong,
What happened was all my fault
So, don’t blame yourself,
And don’t claim my heart,
’Coz I lost it to you,
But since now we’re apart,
N no more each other’s better halves

But then,
I didn’t know what I was doing,
I didn’t know that it could ruin,
My life!

Wo-oh life!
The way it got to be,
It can never be to me,
My life!

No matter, if we’re apart,
Deep down in my heart,
You’ll always be with me,
’coz you’re my life!!

A ‘Unique’ Journey- From Cocksure to Simply Undaunted!

Excerpts from the autobiography of a troubled soul…




“There was a time when I used to be a very confident person, or, as some people ( read ‘parents and friends‘) would like to put it- rather overconfident. But I loved it! I loved every moment & cherish these moments till date . Though, because of my annoying ways I had few ( read ‘just 4’) friends and I kept irritating them to no end, they still stuck by my side and are among the very few people whom I truly worship.

But then I entered the 16th spring of my life, I entered my 11th class and *CRASH* came my confidence & shattered into a billion pieces in front my eyes as I stood & watched hopelessly. I never knew there were so many better scholars than me, I never knew our school had trained classical vocalists & musicians ( I was just a ‘bathroom singer’ for them, though personally I feel it’s a really useless term!) and I never knew that there were professional artistes, amazing writers and poets, national level swimmers &badminton players and above all - even more confident people around me!

I felt so small, so ashamed in front of them that I thought it better to leave my ‘uniqueness’ behind and merge with the crowd. So, with the flick of a wand ( Yep! I’m an HP fan!) I lost my identity completely.

One and a half year I spent as such when suddenly Alex came into my life. At that time I was as devoid of any self- confidence as Harry’s cauldron is devoid of any potion ( if it is even fit enough even to be called so!) after Snape’s brief spell of ‘Evanesco’. And out of the blue, he said he loved me!!
At first- I thought mine ears deceive me!
Second time- I thought it was a joke!
Third time- I laughed it off!
Fourth time- I thought it was a prank!
Fifth time- I thought it was a really bad lie! ( I mean who, in his right mind, can love an overweight, ugly, arrogant girl as me?!)
Sixth time- I felt pity for him. “This guy doesn’t know where he’s heading” I said.
Seventh time- ( He was a dear friend by now.) I tried to assure him its not love!
Eighth time- I got really frustrated and said yes!!

Now, started the real task. Actually I like Alex and believed what he said but the fact was that I didn’t have enough faith in myself. Then came the tough part- I knew I had to say no. I had to deny and reject his love for his own good! I felt he deserved a better person than me.
It was difficult ut in the end I managed it. Though, it left a little hole in my heart where he once lived. I thought it was just the pain of losing a dear friend that I was experiencing, didn’t understand that it was more than that!

With each passing day, I thought the pain would subside, rather, it grew, as did the hole in my heart. Then came the crashing blow- he said he was leaving the country for good(yes! I was still in touch with him). And that did it. I couldn’t hold it anymore. I knew, I understood- it had been love all the while, and I poured my heart out to him. I cried, I apologized, went on with my excuses for behaving like I did and all he did was listen patiently and all he said in the end was- “ I love you! No matter how you look or behave, I love you for who you ARE!”

With a BANG, I was back on track. Back to where I rightly belonged. My self-esteem came soaring back, and I got rid of all the faceless masks, nameless identities and false pretences that I had put up.
I welcomed myself back!’

I did not write this for some ‘personality development’, ‘gaining self-confidence’ or ‘self-esteem building’ seminar. I wrote it for myself. A third person’s love for me made me love myself all over again.

Neglecting you faults and shortcomings and running away from adversities is easy, very easy. But accepting them and moving on with as what you are makes you better with each passing day. My best friend once said to me- “Kate, there are two ways of attaining the same goal- one is easier, shorter; the other is- right!.” Choose what you want, but remember- the easy and shorter route might give you all the success in a short span, but it would never give you the satisfaction of being right, just and truthful. There will always be a huge guilt over your head burdening you more and more with each passing day.

A third person’s love in me made me love myself all over again. I chose what was right, though I had nearly lost the opportunity but I was lucky, and I managed. Merely copying others and doing what your peers do is not at all difficult. Difficult is standing out in a crowd. Speaking up for what you believe in and doing what your conscience tells you to. But once you achieve this seemingly impossible goal, you would be so content, so much at peace with yourself that no goal would be impossible anymore, no journey too difficult, no destination too far.
Good luck for your life ahead.
Lovingly yours
Forever
KATE